This blog’s purpose is to be about everything positive in my world.From my family and friends, to my favourite things. But I also want it to be a reflection of my journey. I learned at the ripe old age of 10 that bad things happening to good people. For some reason life wanted to keep giving me that lesson 2 more very difficult times. Trust me I get it!
I don’t expect to live a perfect life with no sorrow or without up and downs. I understand that each of us carries something and that no one is immune to tragedy. Sadly, the person I once was is never coming back, she is not, I have accepted that, parts of her are there, some of the best parts but some parts are not so great. I am learning to love both and developing a new confidence in her.
I started journalling at about 11 years of age and have continued to do so throughout my life. Paper to pen is therapeutic, it is sometimes the only safe place to say the things you are afraid to say out loud. You can write your biggest fears or your worst thoughts and then rip them up into tiny bits like they never existed. It can help you put together the tiny bits of your heart that have been torn apart. Journaling, can take you on a tour of your heartache and triumphs of your life.
January 1, 2014
New year, new beginning. Wish I could say that new year and everything is wonderful and i am not still riding the waves of anxiety but I am even today. One minute I am feeling great, alive and ready to take on the world and the next I am worried about something and obsessing over a real or imagined aliment. But my wish is that I ride the anxiety wave less this year and that I can live a bit more carefree.
I am living more carefree and thinking less about all the terrible things that could go wrong. And this makes me happy. It has been a long time coming. It is not always perfect and I have my moments but it is so much better.
As I was having a moment the other day I pulled out one of my many journals and found another entry dated March 17, 2012. It was a list of declarations I declared over my life. I had forgot about this list as I have another set that I keep on my phone and read over more frequently. I realized that these are the mottos for my life. Like I said, while I don’t expect to live a perfect life free from pain and sorrow. I do pray to live free from heartbreaking tragedy or at least the fear, anxiety and worry of it.
I have learned not to make New Year Resolutions, broken promises to yourself that just leave you feeling like a failure. Instead I declare my hopes, dreams and wishes to God and let him do the work.
Heading into 2015 once again…..
I declare I will be free from anxiety and fear.
I declare I will be an active mother to my children.
I declare I will raise Godly sons filled with love, kindness, gifts and talents.
I declare I will have a loving, vulnerable, fun marriage with my husband.
I declare I will have a happy, comfortable home that brings joy and peace to my family and friends.
I declare I will make a difference in the lives of children, leading them to their gifts and talents. Showing them that they can move above and beyond their circumstances.
I declare I will travel to new places and experience the world and activities that God has created for us to enjoy here on earth.
I declare longevity for my life.
I declare perfect divine health, free from all sickness, illness, infirmities, cancers for me and my family.
I declare I will have a true kindred spirit best friend.
I declare I will use my voice in song to bring others in the presence of God.
After weeks of planning, shopping and organizing the Christmas bedroom makeover finally came together for my youngest son. Imagine, I was painting yesterday, on Boxing Day! As “they” say, there is always a first time for everything. It has been so mild here that I also had clothes on the line yesterday, another first.
I figure I am not going to get my Christmas relaxing time in until next week. While I love Christmas I tend to get really uptight about all the mess. Today, my house finally seems to be back in manageable order. I am sure I am not the only insane person to try a room makeover at Christmas.
Back to the room make over details! Most of the new items I ordered came from IKEA. Since we do not have an IKEA in this city. I had to have the items shipped from Montreal. I used an independent company so it was cheaper then using IKEA.
I wasn’t sure how my son was going to feel about opening a desk, chair, lamp etc.. but he was excited. He didn’t ask for anything for Christmas. When opening he said, “I like not asking for anything because everything you open is a surprise.”
To get him more involved in the process. I had printed and cut out pictures of all the items and he was able to play around with the items and arrange them on a room template. He also helped with the painting but then I kicked him out and he had to sleep in our room last night.
This afternoon was the big reveal. He felt the need to tell me he wasn’t going to do the jump up and down and cry reaction that he sees on TV and for me not to be disappointed. Okay? Just keep it clean for 5 minutes.
helping with the painting