Wishing on an eyelash

A wish to me is really a prayer. A little statement of hope I am sending up to the Heavens. Whenever I wish on an eyelash, a birthday candle, a coin toss into a well, I always wish first for perfect health and happiness for me and my family. I try to never miss an eyelash opportunity to say a little prayer and when I lose it before I can blow it off the palm of my hand I feel a little lost for the wish that could have been.

When my prayer of full return to health was answered I felt for a long time that I couldn’t and shouldn’t ask or wish for anything else. What more could one ask for?

I was unprepared for the mental anguish I would experience after my physical recovered. I never stopped picking myself up and I never stopped moving forward but I lived in constant fear and worry. I went through periods of depression, lost, grief. I described it as riding a roller coaster with  highs and lows.  Living with coastal fog that rolls in and just hangs in the air.  I have lived with cautious joy for a long time, afraid to allow myself to have too much fun, laugh to loud, love to much. I worried that  letting my guard down would cause the rug to be pulled out from underneath me again and I wasn’t strong enough to bear losing it all again.

I want to make a Christmas wish list as I have see posted in some other blogs. I want to love on me, its not even about getting anything on the list but from the pleasure of doing so and finding items that make me happy. Did you noticed I felt like I had to write the first three paragraphs first to explain to myself why it was okay to do this?

Wishing on an eyelash

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