Winter blues, seasonal depression I am feel like I am in the throws of it. It doesn’t help when I am counting down the days to end this job and begin a new one ( 5 months) . I am basically faking it just about everyday at work. It is exhausting putting on the front but I really don’t have a choice. I have to. I have worked to hard to establish a good reputation and I am good at what I do. Every once in a while I notice I slip up a bit and I feel like everyone notices. I am about 80% checked out and I am just going through the motions. I believe strongly in living an authentic and rich life and when I am not it is depressing. Work takes up a significant part of you day (life) and to not be inspired by what you are doing is a sad feeling, well is sucks. I have always said when you are doing something you love you never work a day in your life. That has pretty much been true up to this point. I think my unhappiness over my job is flowing into other parts of my life. I am living for the weekends and get depressed when Sunday comes. But I believe in living in the moment. I don’t believe in counting down days because to me it is rushing your life away. It is fun and exciting to look forward to an event but you enjoy the journey there. My job is not my whole life but Monday seems to roll around again so quickly. I am running out of steam and finding 5 days of work very challenging.
Having survived a major illness I can always have things come into focus very quickly and it doesn’t take long to change perspective. In the scope of life, you have your health and your family that is all the matters. I remember longing for normalcy. I pleaded for mundane. I pleaded for my life. My heart thanks God everyday. I plan to live each day to its best and to its fullest. I know what is ultimately important and I know it is okay to want and ask for more.