What have I done?

RpgvvtYAQeqAIs1knERU_vegetablesI really didn’t want to talk about this issue on this blog because I wanted my blog to be mostly about  fun, good things and stuff I love and enjoy. Maybe I was in denial. Frustrated for sure. I swore I would never go on a diet again. DIETS don’t work. I know this. They don’t! But yet they can and do when done correctly. But here is the kicker. It has to be a lifestyle change, permanently. Permanently!  I know that I will have cake, chips and all those other forbidden foods again. I am not giving them up. I will have cake at my child’s birthday. I will eat chips around the campfire. I will have pot of gold chocolate at Christmas ( well, I could probably give those up) I would say I eat most of those forbidden foods  in moderation currently. I know I am not that far off the a mark with my eating.

But, I do have genuine obstacles. I have to eat an IBS diet which does contain a lot of carbs    ( I know I am the worse person in the world).  I can not eat many foods that are considered “healthy” for example no nuts, salads, most raw vegetables, many fruits. Although, I do try to include them when I think it won’t bother me. Can you say menopause at 30? Yeah, its true, you think it is hard to lose weight before menopause wait until afterwards. What do you know about thyroid? Oh yeah, got that too. Them these obstacles.

I have tried for months to love me for me. And I do but not when I put on a pair of pants and the muffin top has increased in size. God, I hate a muffin top. I thought I can hide all this with clothes. Figure out how to dress this body and it will be all good. Yeah, that not working either. Well sort of but when you start getting acid reflex after just about every meal. You really need to get your head out of the chip bag and get back on the wagon.

So what am I going to do? I have been asking myself that question for almost a year now. What am I going to do? Well, I have tried pills ( yes, I got that desperate it lasted less then 2 weeks because of the side effects, despite it being all natural and lots of research saying no side effects expect for one small seemingly unimportant, unreliable sentence in an article I found, yup you guessed it, I had those side effects) , tracking calories, dressing my body type, bursts of exercise.  I swore I would never again ( yeah, don’t do that you know never say never) BUT I have re-joined the only program that has ever worked for me… drum roll please…….. weight watchers. FUCK! I am screwed.

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