When Your Mother Didn’t Mother

photo-1419090960390-4969330366abIf we are living and breathing on planet earth we have a mother by definition but we know that the woman that births us may only be mother by definition. Not all mothers mother and this may happen for many reasons. Sometimes a young mother makes the ultimate sacrifice for her child and decided to have another mother her child. Sometimes a mother was never mothered and doesn’t know how to mother. Sometimes a mother does the best she can and sometimes she doesn’t. How do you become a good mother? How many times have we heard mothers say they didn’t leave the hospital with a manual? Do you need to have good mothering modelled? Or do you learn from your mother everything not to do? Do you say to yourself I will be everything that she is not? When you hold your first child in your arms and feel this incredible love like no other do you wonder if this is how your mother felt about you? Do you wonder how your mother could lie to you? When holding your child your heart is exposed and open and you know that your love with be eternal, pure and honest. How your child’s pain is your pain and that words will hurt and destroy her innocence, confidence and self-worth. How you will spend your days mothering by building confidence, self-esteem and never not for one second will she ever question your love for her. In fact she will be so sure of it that she will never fear you or ever ever say she hates you. She will know that nearly every mothering moment was spent discovering how to make you feel like one of the most important people in her world. When she looks back on her childhood there will be no pain but only the fondest of memories. And as she grows and become an adult she knows the mothering doesn’t stop and she treasures the past, present and future relationship with you. There is the kindest of mutual respect and when she looks at you she thanks you for all you have given and sacrificed and you look at her and wonder how did you get so lucky and blessed when your mother didn’t mother.

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5 thoughts on “When Your Mother Didn’t Mother

  1. You are speaking my truth. My oldest daughter wrote me a heartfelt note of admiration this Mother’s Day. It felt satisfying to know that I have achieved a level of mothering that my own mother was unable to. As you say, she did the best she could.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are speaking my truth. My oldest daughter wrote me a heartfelt note of admiration this Mother’s Day. It felt satisfying to know that I have achieved a level of mothering that my own mother was unable to. As you say, she did her best.

    Liked by 1 person

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