The academic year is coming to an end and I am sadly rushing and counting the days to Summer break. The last 8 weeks at work have been very challenging. I am very excited that everything has worked out and I will be beginning my new job in September. I know this is the change I need despite all this nervous excitement. I don’t think anyone experiences change with out some apprehension.
It is really is quite surreal at times that I can be working in a professional environment but yet some of those professionals have forgotten to leave their high school days behind them. I know this group ( I won’t say where) that are so clicky click to the point that they exclude others. What bonds them seems to be their ability to talk about others, exclude others and praise themselves for what a wonderful and supportive group of people they are. Now I am not going to deny that my social anxiety makes me more of a reserved person and I probably have lingering pain of not being included at some points in my life. However, I am a very kind, caring and funny person if you just take the opportunity to get to know me and I get zero pleasure from taking about other people. I would do whatever I could to help someone in pain or having a difficult time. I am sympathetic to visible and invisible disabilities.
The social anxiety that resulted from my illness really changed who I was with new people for a long time. I never showed my true self to many people especially at work and when meeting new people. It is quite difficult to figure out your own character flaws and when your husband and closest friends don’t want to tell you what they are for fear of hurting you. So you walk around wondering what they hell is wrong with you and what you are doing to repel people. Sometimes I take things too serious, most times i have challenges relaxing, I have always been a take no shit kind of girl. I know these things about myself.
Camping and Hiking
it has been great to get in almost weekly hikes or camping trips. Being outside in nature really does a lot for your over all mental health and well-being. I am looking forward to a summer of camping and adventures.
The stress of my job is taking its toll on me in more ways then one. Sleeping has been trying because of my job and because my mattress is hurting my hips quite badly to the point that I toss and turn most of the night and want to cry in pain and frustration. Good sleep is really important for your health and over all well being. The dark circles under my eyes are huge. When someone makes a comment at work about your under eye bags you realize you can not continue like this. Last night, we went out and purchased a new mattress. I am so hoping it is going to be a great mattress and that I will sleep like a baby once we have it.
Makeup vs clothes
I realize I need to adjust my cosmetic shopping and start filtering some money into clothes. I think I am in dislike with about 40% of my closet right now.
I don’t have many regrets in my life but I could have one if I can’t come to peace with my body. It actually can ruin so many moments for me. I can’t figure out if I am fat and need to lose weight, in denial about my weigh, some what normal for my age and medical issues. I have lost and gained the same 10 lbs about 3 times. Why can’t I just be happy with me?? Why?? I know I am not alone with his struggle but I am tired of it controlling me and it does control me.
I am thrilled it is the weekend. This weekend I am planning on hitting a few vintage shops, the gardening centre and spending some time with friends.