Younger Self

My oldest son turns 16 years old tomorrow. Milestones, like this one get you thinking about how much time has gone by and of course how quickly times goes by. When Nick was born I fell head over heels in love. Literally! Who knew what joy a little version of yourself, offspring could be. I don’t think my mother loved me like that but who knows. I am glad I loved like that.

Looking through some photos of him as a baby I came across this one.

(no make up, no filters, smiling 🙂 , in love)

Nick Baby

I was a bit sad to see a spark in my eye that I didn’t see in a recent selfie I had taken of myself.

15 years plus a few months later……

(Recent Selfie-no make up Monday, no filters, no smile )

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At first, I felt sad about that missing spark I perceived. Ultimately, I know I am really just being hard on myself. Then, I wondered, what would I tell this younger version of myself today and so I wrote..

You knew the moment you found out you were pregnant what a special love you had and the joy that followed was more than you imagined. While you already knew life wasn’t all rainbows and pink cotton candy. You knew the birth of a child, your child was a new beginning, a new start. An opportunity, to love and experience love, a complete unconditional love. In the moments, right after birth, you knew it wasn’t just about you anymore. Your child first and your were second and that was perfectly okay. Most things you worried about before the birth, were not nearly as important. What a relief that was. A fresh breeze. A state of happiness. Your child’s happiness, well being and upbringing was in the forefront. Your mission was to raise a child that knew he was loved and cared for, no matter what. Something, you didn’t feel you had. Your mission was to raise a child that would have no fear showing affection, crawling into bed with you, never would he be afraid or doubt your love. Your child would have know a loving, kind mother. A mother who’s  eyes brightened when you walked in the room and wouldn’t hesitate to scoop you up in open welcoming arms.

You never knew that a couple years later you would be in the fight of your life. That the shock of such news would shake you to your very core. You didn’t know that your children would be the ones that gave you purpose to rise every morning. You had a mission! Your children needed you.

Shaken to the core you were. You had no idea the long term effects socially, emotionally and physically. But you fought, fought, fought and continue to fight! Fall down seven times, get up eight.

While some of your carefree innocence and spark faded with your fight, your love for your children only grew, your life adventures multiplied, you pushed through fear after fear and you learned to be truly grateful, less self-fish and have compassion and kindness for others. The mission you set for motherhood never faulted, didn’t fail. The gratitude you have for each day with your children  makes your heart overflow. Your relationship with God and faith is solid.

Your spark maybe more cautious and more mature with riding the waves of life but I’m proud of you. Maturity, isn’t all the bad. Don’t ever let anyone take away from you your struggles, your victories, for they know not the shoes you wore. Be grateful for those who shared the road. Continue to be grateful and celebrate all occasions in style.  Continue with your Mom mission you are doing a great job!

 

What I have learned about blogging.

Having been blogging for over a year now you learn a few things a long the way. Here is what I have learned, where I am, and my thoughts.

  1. If you want to blog about beauty even occasionally you are going to spend a lot of money. Beauty blogging is popular and informative. I really enjoy reading about new products and trying new things. When I see several people rave about the same product I am usually hooked and it goes on my wish list. My highest ratings on are beauty posts.  It is however going to cost you money because unless you are willing to put in the time and effort to take your blog to the next level companies are not going to be sending you free product. If you start beauty blogging to receive free product, it is probably not going to happen over night and it takes a lot of work. In the last year or so I have been contacted by a few companies wanting free post and advertising and thanks to fellow bloggers I turn them down because I don’t work for free. If beauty is your passion and you are buying product anyway go for it, but it is easy to get caught up in the deals and bonuses and always, always new products to try. Beauty blogging must be a dream come true for companies. I am sure it increases their sales significantly.
  2. If you want to increase your traffic photos are everything. People are visual and you hook them with good photos.  I purchased a new camera and have yet to really learn how to use it. I don’t have the skills or time to create the amazing photos I see on some blogs. I still hope to get there, someday.
  3. Blogs and writers come and go, some never to return. Many people blog as a creative outlet ( like me! ). They have big, busy lives outside of the computer and sometimes that life takes over and blogging gets put on the back burner. I wish I could write more because I started this blog to write about all the great things in my life, its purpose was to celebrate all things I love and enjoy and I want to document those things. I really enjoy writing about my adventures with my family and personal growth but of course real life takes over sometimes and what is wrong with that?!
  4. New blogs are popping up all the time and sometimes you lose contact with those you have started to communicate with as their real life took over and now the blogging world you once knew is completely different and feels like a room full of strangers. That can make you feel like you have to start forming relationships all over to keep your readership alive. Which brings me to the next 2 points.
  5. If you want a “number” successful blog, it takes time, dedication, consistency and hard work. It doesn’t happen overnight and life can’t take over. I think it is possible as many succeed.  I personally don’t have the drive to take my blog to the next level, at this time, I am not driven, it is not a personal goal. I am in awe of those bloggers that have created a business and career of blogging.
  6. Remember why you started blogging in the first place, go back to your roots. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone wanted to listen and read your posts all the time? Who doesn’t want to be heard? Who doesn’t want what they have to say be heard by others? We want to be listened to. We want to be liked. Humans want validation.We want our words and self to be valued. Personally, I have to remember this blog for me is creative expression and documentation of all things good.

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I Don’t Make New Year Resolutions Volume 2

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I don’t make specific New Year resolutions because I know you can’t keep them just as I know diets don’t work. With every loss cell of collagen as you get older you actually do get wiser. Cost, benefit relationship.

As the kids get older the parenting gets less  intense, less hands on. They get more expensive, I wasn’t quite expecting that. They don’t need me like they use to. That brings about some sadness but at the same time I enjoy their independence. They need to be independent, honestly, before you know it they will be flying the coop. They need to know how to survive. I need to call off the helicopter and active the GSP. I will be broken hearted. Which is why I also must prepare and begin working on my life after kids. Saying that, I so wish I could freeze time. We are all at the perfect age. They need me but not too much, they are great to travel with, they can be left alone for periods of time, they are still young ducklings, not too grown up yet but able to make themselves a sandwich and not starve.

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So, why and I talking about my boys in this “I don’t make new year’s resolution post? ”

Because I want to freeze time. I have had an amazing year. I feel that despite the challenges I have, I have pushed through, maybe this year the pushes were less or the door wasn’t always as heavy. I just know that I am happy most of the time and I  am not afraid all of the time.

Aside from jetting off to live in some tropical destination to pursue my dreams of acting and singing. Splitting my time between living off the grid and in the penthouse in Las Vegas. Being happy most of the time and not afraid all the time is good enough. I will take it! Good enough is great. I did the hard work and the past year feels like a reward.

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Since I am not Elsa, from Frozen and I can not freeze time, only my fingers on the steering wheel. I know this year is coming to an end on the calendar. My boys will keep growing which makes me sad but I am excited about the adventures we will all have as a family.

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So once again for 2016 I declare…….

I declare I will be free from anxiety and fear.

I declare I will be an active mother to my children.

I declare I will raise Godly sons filled with love, kindness, gifts and talents.

I declare I will have a loving, vulnerable, fun marriage with my husband.

I declare I will have a happy, comfortable home that brings joy and peace to my family and friends.

I declare I will make a difference in the lives of children, leading them to their gifts and talents. Showing them that they can move above and beyond their circumstances.

I declare I will travel to new places and experience the world and activities that God has created for us to enjoy here on earth.

I declare longevity for my life.

I declare perfect divine health, free from all sickness, illness, infirmities, cancers for me and my family.

I declare I will have a true kindred spirit best friend.

I declare I will use my voice in song to bring others in the presence of God.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

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Updates

I am loving teaching grade 3 but boy have I been busy. I am putting in about 9-11 hour days and weekends too. Since this is my first time back in a classroom in a long while it is taking lots of planning, prep and learning the curriculum. Not to mention that I am completely spent at the end of the day.

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I am looking forward to things starting to slow at school  and embracing the holiday season. I feel like the Fall has flown by so quickly I can’t even recall what I have been doing for fun.  That is sad.

In September, we were able to get in two more camping weekends. That was great as it felt like we extended the Summer holiday by a few weeks.

My husband and I celebrated our 20th anniversary with a big party at the house. The best part was we hired a DJ and had a fun evening of dancing on the deck. I threw the party together in only a few weeks. So I really didn’t have time to do lots of fun decorating. We had to order a lot of food and the DJ was costly so we kept everything else pretty simple. The weather didn’t cooperate for me that well either, as the party was planned as an out door event and it showered on and off all day. The rain did stop and we did spend the good part outside where the DJ was but it was damp and not a warm summer evening. That was a little disappointing. I tend to obsess about the weather in the Summer. I don’t think I have hardly looked at a forecast since.

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We also attended a few house parties of good friends and had a nice dinner out at one of my favourite places to eat. It has great food and atmosphere.

We stayed home for Thanksgiving and had a nice home cooked turkey dinner with family. We have gone camping the last few years so it was nice  to stay home and have a warm everything.

Halloween was pretty uneventful. My oldest spent the night at his girlfriends house and my youngest went out for short time and then had a friend over night. We scooted off to a house party for a few hours.

I recently had a weekend away shopping with my Mom and sister. It was a good weekend away and I loved staying in a hotel room all by myself. I usually hate hotels but this was a very nice one and it was so comfortable. I did get a good amount of Christmas Shopping done.

And now we are in the holiday season and all the wonderful events and activities that happen at this time of year. As like many of us I am finding it hard to get it all done.

I have started a medication trial for my bathroom “issues”. I am really hoping this is going to work for me. It doesn’t work for everyone and of course there could be side effects but I am hopeful.

I hope to write more over the holiday. Even if I could commit to once a week I wouldn’t feel  like I was neglecting my blog so miserably. Maybe I will add that to the New Year Resolution list.

A Year in Review

IMG_6334It is my blog one year anniversary month.

The greatest challenge and change for me this last year was starting a new position at work . I went from a special needs teacher/coordinator to teaching grade 3 and having a class all of my own. The change was a personal challenge because of my medical needs. I worked with a therapist and an occupational therapist  for a few months to help me prepare for the change.  I am happy to say that I am doing well in my new job and my stress is significantly reduced.

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We also finished our basement and created a warm and inviting family room. I am really happy with the outcome.  I continue to decorate and will do the reveal one of these days.

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I am most happy when I am outside. We got lots of camping in this year and had some great walks and hikes. Sometimes my “issues”, yes let’s call it “issues for now on, prevent me from getting out sometimes and that really frustrates me. My therapist says I need to be kinder to myself when my “issues” prevent me from doing what I want. I am working on that.

I have probably doubled or even tripled my make up collection in the last year.

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I was one proud Mother when my son graduated from Jr. high and he had his jr. prom.

Prom

Our big trip this year was Vegas and seeing Britney Spears in concerts. We also did some local travelling.

Vegas

Staycation

I feel blessed to have a strong core of friends and a supportive family.

I celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary.

A big accomplishment for me this year was with the scale and diets.  I stopped weighing myself nearly everyday and go weeks without stepping on the scale. I can say with certainty that diets don’t work. I spent my 30’s going up and down on the scale with the same 10lbs and I am done with that. I am me, this is me and I am happy with me. I am active, healthy and happy. I can live with being a size 10.

This year going forward I continue to pray for health, happiness, growth and personal adventure. Never stop believing, never give up hope, live in the moment, move forward, live adventure, never allow dullness in your life, never act your age, don’t allow anyone to put you in a box and tell you have to act or be a certain way. These are the inspirations for my life and my blog.

Here is to another year of happy life, happy blogging!