Boy Gotta Kiss the Frogs Too.

I thought it may come at some point, I mean no child is perfect, although I always feel my children are.  I wasn’t sure what form it would come in. The greatest fear was that it would be drugs. I had a plan for that. I would re mortgage my house and get them in the best treatment program ever. I wondered what would happen if that didn’t take and funds ran out. I knew then I would have to let them go and hope they returned alive and not broken beyond repair. That would hurt, it would be devastating.

I thought it may come in the form of just simply moving away to college or a job and that may happen yet. He is young.  I would miss them, it would be difficult.

I thought it would come in the form of a girl. Actually, I was sure it would be a girl. When you are the most important female in their life for the first 18 years and along comes a girl, any girl, there is going to be trouble.

Now, if, she is the perfect girl, that I love and he does too and of course she loves me, then problem diverted. But just like us ladies we are going to kiss a lot of frogs before we find the prince.

The problem is boys are going to kiss the girls and put their moms on the back burner while doing so. And as a Mom you are going to see all the wrong frogs for your son and there is nothing you can do about it. But yet, what you do is get angry with your son.

alone artist blur bracelets

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

You see things they can’t and you try to communicate it to them. You get angry because what feels like all of the sudden their priorities are all messed up. They say things to you that you are sure are the words of the “girlfriend”. It all comes to a head and you realize you have lost, you have lost. You have lost influence over their lives. Okay, maybe, let me try to call it what you are thinking, you have lost control. I can’t just tell him what to do and he will do it. He use to be so compliant. Now, he fights me, it feels like at every turn, every direction. AND NOW he is OLD ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY CALL ME OUT! WTF!

You invest every cell of your being into a child ( your children) and you love them so much. And now you are so angry with their choices and decisions and at the same time you are trying to protect them from making mistakes, emotional ones, educational ones, financial ones. And you are just left feeling hurt as they get in the car that you bought them to spend Father’s Day with another family.

You want to say “I gave up my life for you, I live for you. Every decision I ever made, I thought about your best interest” AND now I am the mean Mom, the not understanding Mom, the Mom who doesn’t get it, the Mom that rides your ass, the Mom who speaks with attitude. “ Do you hear yourself?”, he says to me “This is the reason I don’t want to be here”. <heart stab, stab, stab> My son doesn’t want to be with me. It hurts. It fucking hurts.

Advertisements

Spring Chicken for the More Mature

It has been 2 years since I have wrote on this blog. Two more years of raising my boys, guiding and shaping them into young men. Two years of working on and managing my health anxiety. Two more years of marriage. Two more years of working on my career. Two years of adventures, friends, family, parties, trips, highs, a few lows. Two more years of being blessed to walk the earth and experience this thing called life.

Welcome and welcome back! I have been inspired once again to get my creative juices flowing and dedicated this blog to all things I love and want to share. I love a good blog and recently have enjoyed some really good content on youtube. Hats off to the video bloggers!

I am not a spring chicken although I do feel like one. Content for more mature ladies …I am talking fabulous forties is quite limited in the blogging world.  But here I am 45 feeling like I am 25, I make no apologies for that. You may have heard how liberating your 40’s can be and it is all true, I promise to write more about that later.

I won’t follow any rules, especially when it comes to fashion, make up and behaviour and you shouldn’t either. This is shocking even for myself since I am such a rule follower mostly in life. Except if you tell me I can’t do something ..then I take on the challenge.. to prove I can.

woman wearing black and white striped maxi skirt holding brown bag

Photo by Artem Bali on Pexels.com

 

 

 

Daily Prompt: Ghost

via Daily Prompt: Ghost

I am not sure what my thoughts on “real life” ghosts actually are. I would say I am more on the skeptic side. I’d like to think I have a guardian angel but that wouldn’t be a ghost it would be an angel. I believe in angels.

Now, I wouldn’t mind being a ghost when it served me well.  Like the days I need to get groceries and the last thing I want to do is dress and shower. (I am not a wear your PJ’s to the store kind of girl). I could ghost into the grocery store get what I needed and ghost out.

Ghosting would also come in handy when you want to see what your 16 year old and his girlfriend are up to. Well, maybe…… but I would like to know what they talk about for hours.

My friend ghosts all the time. We are sitting around the campfire, talking, laughing, having a few beers and suddenly there is an empty chair. No, “hey everyone, good night I am off to bed.” Nope, he is there then he is gone and we are left with an empty chair.

When I pass from this life and on to the next, I don’t plan to stick around being a ghost. I am going to take my place in the glorious heavens. I don’t plan to have any unfinished business that keeps me between places in a spiritual world. If there are ghosts flying around I would think they have unfinished business and can’t pass or don’t want to pass into the land of milk and honey.

I don’t think I ever cried as hard at a movie as I did watching Ghost with Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze the first time. It was heart breaking. I bawled.

Ghosts can inhabit you right here, right now;  ghosts from pass mistakes, past trauma, past relationships, unfilled dreams, regrets. I work really hard at not allowing ghosts to inhabit me despite some of life’s challenges I have had. It takes a lot of work, a lot of persistence, a lot of patience, forgiveness, letting go and not living with what if.

BOO!!! Did I scare you?

 

16! and ready to drive..Yikes!

For some reason I thought when my kids turned 16 they would just instantly know how to drive a car. I mean I taught them to feed, clothe and wipe their asses I figured I get a break on teaching them how to drive. But no, they don’t know how to drive automatically and you have to teach them.

I don’t remember learning how to drive, I got in the car and drove. I am sure someone taught me something but driving becomes so automatic you just get in the vehicle and drive. For the record, I did take driving lessons, that I had to pay for because my parents wouldn’t and if I didn’t take the lessons my mother wasn’t going to let me drive. AND I WAS GOING TO DRIVE. Driving was the first taste of FREEDOM, FREEDOM.

But I digress. Sitting in the vehicle with your 16 year old and knowing he has the potential to kill you…death by car accident going less than 40km is darn right FRIGING scary.  All these years you though you would be the one to kill them in their teens year, with ya know, the many challenges of raising a teen and then I (we) give them a car to DRIVE! with US in it and WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO DO THIS MORE THEN ONCE.

One of our first lessons is me teaching him reaction time. In order for me to feel an ounce of safety I need to know he can SLAM on that break quickly and not hit the gas accidentally. So picture this, Nick driving the Mom van…. and I call out break every so often… “break! …go…..break…..go…break…. go”.  Not bad… let’s take it on the road, well to the end of the cul da sac. He is driving…… GAS!! GAS!!! I shout. WTF MOM??? I mean BREAK! BREAK!. Enough for today.

I don’t know why you think that by gripping the arm rest of the passenger seat that it is going to save you in any way from his ridiculously fast right and left turns but somehow you are willing the car with all your brain power to make the turn, GOD PLEASE MAKE THIS TURN!! With OUT KILLING US OR THE CHILD ON THE BIKE! More importantly the child on the bike.

One day I decided I would give him the blizzard test.  What is this you ask?  No, I wasn’t assumulating a snow storm.   Before switching him to the drivers seat I purchased a blizzard from DQ. I was preparing for a nice relaxing enjoyable ride while enjoying my peanut something or other blizzard. I figured if he passed this test he was ready to graduate from the subdivisions and on to the roads with actual traffic and more then one car every 5-10 minutes.  I don’t even remember eating the darn thing. It was more like shovelling….. of peanuts and ice-cream into in my mouth to prevent me from screaming and crunching those poor little bastard peanuts to fine dust. I just had a thought! A stress ball!!!

He is getting better, especially when I am not in the car. Wonder why this is? Anyways, time to leave this job for the professionals. I could scar him for life and then he would never be able to leave home drive a car.

Body Positivity Movement

I am joining the body positivity movement. I am optimistic that I can embrace the positivity. I am not getting any younger or thinner and starving myself is out of the question. I know very little about body positivity. I have been hating my body for pretty much all my life but mostly since I was about 25, so that is almost 20 years of hating my body and putting all myself worth into how flat my stomach is or is not, which it is not flat by any means. I have an arm load of reasons I am not getting skinny and why my muffin top is not shrinking. I loath my muffin top and now I am adding my upper arms to what I hate about my body. Okay, back fat too, I hate that as well, but see it less often since  it is behind me. See where this is going?

Here is my arm load of reasons (some may call excuses) why I am not getting skinny

  1. hyperthyroid
  2. menopause at 3o
  3. whacked out hormones
  4. IBS diet
  5. diets don’t work, I have done lots ( WW, clean eating, no carbs, reduced carbs, paleo, LA weight loss and the list continues, I have lost and gained the same 15 lbs I don’t know what many times)
  6. I have overcome too much shit in my life to never have ice-cream and birthday cake again
  7. I have many habits of “skinny” eaters and I still have a muffin top

 

I am sure there are a few more, if I want to spend the brain power thinking about them and no …..one of the reasons is not because I am lazy, unhealthy, unmotivated and overweight and making excuses.

Enter….. body positivity which to my understanding will help me blast these some of these myths and misconceptions  and once and for all I will love my body and appreciate all the does for me. Let the journey begin.

IMG_1519

February Ramblings

January 2016 was a month of being in a total funk. Once I took down the Christmas decorations I took on the winter blues. I went to work, came home and went to bed and worked some more. Thankfully, that month is over and the sun it sitting a little higher in the sky and my spirits are starting to pick up. January is definitely the most depressing month of the year.

February has already been so much better! We purchased a new travel trailer for camping season. I am definitely in the full glamping category now. It is a mini cottage on wheels. We also have more social events planned with our friends. AND! Spring is not too far now. ( I am not thinking about the fact that I am off work today because we are going to get walloped by a blizzard, nope DENIAL)

293ubh_2

OH! and we are going to BAHAMAS in March. ( I hear the winds starting to blow outside.) How can you not  be excited by that?

I also won a $150.00 gift card from a RICKI’S RATE and REVIEW contest. Looking forward to new Spring clothing line and a little shopping spree!

So that is the exciting stuff, the not so exciting stuff….

I had to cancel my  monthly IPSY bag to make way for the payments on the new trailer. I really loved getting that bag of goodies every month. I may look at TOPBOX in the future as it is in Canadian dollars and a cheaper monthly cost and no US exchange to worry about.

My oldest son (almost 16) and his girlfriend broke up. I honestly, think it was for the best.   He needs to be enjoying his high school days and he was a hermit at home. No one likes to see their child hurting but it is part of the experience of eventually finding the perfect one.

Health wise physically and mentally, I am doing good. I had some routine blood work done and have my yearly mammogram coming up and my colonoscopy. Any medical appointment or test is anxiety provoking but I just keep pressing forward and believing in GOD that everything comes back clean,clear and demonstrating perfect health.

Today is hubs birthday and I made a crazy ass cake for the celebration. He likes these complicated multi layer cakes. Here is the pic.

IMG_0653

Here is me embracing my laugh lines. It is not easy when you start to see signs of aging on your face but at the same time I am grateful to be aging as many don’t ever get the chance. Embracing aging is challenging for me as some of my identity is in young and pretty. Can you be older and pretty?

IMG_0651

Toss it out!…not so fast.

I am pretty good at keeping clutter to a minimum in my house except when it comes to make-up. I just can’t seem to toss it out. Maybe it is because I am very conscience about recycling and donating items and with make-up a lot is tossed in the garbage. Really, who wants a used lipgloss? ahh, noone!

But here are a few tips to keep somethings from the landfill…..

When I tire of shampoos,conditioners, body washes I put them in my kids bathroom and let them finish off the bottles and then I recycle the empty bottles. You could even offer them to a close friend.

I always toss bottles of nail polish and any unopened product in the good will bag.

Some makeup companies/counters will take items and recycle them for you.

Try to use up all the product.

Try and buy only what you need. ( I know, I know..make up hoarders anonymous..right with you)

Take off tops or break off parts that can be recycled. Collect all excess product in one container and take to pharmacy for disposal.

Support companies that are reducing packaging and using environmentally friendly and non-toxic products. Two of my favourite  retail companies right now are The Body Shop and LUSH.

As I change seasons in and around the house. Here is what I was able to part with from my make-up table. Some of these items will be donated, recycled and a few will end up in the garbage.

IMG_6483