Boy Gotta Kiss the Frogs Too.

I thought it may come at some point, I mean no child is perfect, although I always feel my children are.  I wasn’t sure what form it would come in. The greatest fear was that it would be drugs. I had a plan for that. I would re mortgage my house and get them in the best treatment program ever. I wondered what would happen if that didn’t take and funds ran out. I knew then I would have to let them go and hope they returned alive and not broken beyond repair. That would hurt, it would be devastating.

I thought it may come in the form of just simply moving away to college or a job and that may happen yet. He is young.  I would miss them, it would be difficult.

I thought it would come in the form of a girl. Actually, I was sure it would be a girl. When you are the most important female in their life for the first 18 years and along comes a girl, any girl, there is going to be trouble.

Now, if, she is the perfect girl, that I love and he does too and of course she loves me, then problem diverted. But just like us ladies we are going to kiss a lot of frogs before we find the prince.

The problem is boys are going to kiss the girls and put their moms on the back burner while doing so. And as a Mom you are going to see all the wrong frogs for your son and there is nothing you can do about it. But yet, what you do is get angry with your son.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

You see things they can’t and you try to communicate it to them. You get angry because what feels like all of the sudden their priorities are all messed up. They say things to you that you are sure are the words of the “girlfriend”. It all comes to a head and you realize you have lost, you have lost. You have lost influence over their lives. Okay, maybe, let me try to call it what you are thinking, you have lost control. I can’t just tell him what to do and he will do it. He use to be so compliant. Now, he fights me, it feels like at every turn, every direction. AND NOW he is OLD ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY CALL ME OUT! WTF!

You invest every cell of your being into a child ( your children) and you love them so much. And now you are so angry with their choices and decisions and at the same time you are trying to protect them from making mistakes, emotional ones, educational ones, financial ones. And you are just left feeling hurt as they get in the car that you bought them to spend Father’s Day with another family.

You want to say “I gave up my life for you, I live for you. Every decision I ever made, I thought about your best interest” AND now I am the mean Mom, the not understanding Mom, the Mom who doesn’t get it, the Mom that rides your ass, the Mom who speaks with attitude. “ Do you hear yourself?”, he says to me “This is the reason I don’t want to be here”. <heart stab, stab, stab> My son doesn’t want to be with me. It hurts. It fucking hurts.

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Spring Chicken for the More Mature

It has been 2 years since I have wrote on this blog. Two more years of raising my boys, guiding and shaping them into young men. Two years of working on and managing my health anxiety. Two more years of marriage. Two more years of working on my career. Two years of adventures, friends, family, parties, trips, highs, a few lows. Two more years of being blessed to walk the earth and experience this thing called life.

Welcome and welcome back! I have been inspired once again to get my creative juices flowing and dedicated this blog to all things I love and want to share. I love a good blog and recently have enjoyed some really good content on youtube. Hats off to the video bloggers!

I am not a spring chicken although I do feel like one. Content for more mature ladies …I am talking fabulous forties is quite limited in the blogging world.  But here I am 45 feeling like I am 25, I make no apologies for that. You may have heard how liberating your 40’s can be and it is all true, I promise to write more about that later.

I won’t follow any rules, especially when it comes to fashion, make up and behaviour and you shouldn’t either. This is shocking even for myself since I am such a rule follower mostly in life. Except if you tell me I can’t do something ..then I take on the challenge.. to prove I can.

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Photo by Artem Bali on Pexels.com

 

 

 

Body Positivity Movement

I am joining the body positivity movement. I am optimistic that I can embrace the positivity. I am not getting any younger or thinner and starving myself is out of the question. I know very little about body positivity. I have been hating my body for pretty much all my life but mostly since I was about 25, so that is almost 20 years of hating my body and putting all myself worth into how flat my stomach is or is not, which it is not flat by any means. I have an arm load of reasons I am not getting skinny and why my muffin top is not shrinking. I loath my muffin top and now I am adding my upper arms to what I hate about my body. Okay, back fat too, I hate that as well, but see it less often since  it is behind me. See where this is going?

Here is my arm load of reasons (some may call excuses) why I am not getting skinny

  1. hyperthyroid
  2. menopause at 3o
  3. whacked out hormones
  4. IBS diet
  5. diets don’t work, I have done lots ( WW, clean eating, no carbs, reduced carbs, paleo, LA weight loss and the list continues, I have lost and gained the same 15 lbs I don’t know what many times)
  6. I have overcome too much shit in my life to never have ice-cream and birthday cake again
  7. I have many habits of “skinny” eaters and I still have a muffin top

 

I am sure there are a few more, if I want to spend the brain power thinking about them and no …..one of the reasons is not because I am lazy, unhealthy, unmotivated and overweight and making excuses.

Enter….. body positivity which to my understanding will help me blast these some of these myths and misconceptions  and once and for all I will love my body and appreciate all the does for me. Let the journey begin.

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What I have learned about blogging.

Having been blogging for over a year now you learn a few things a long the way. Here is what I have learned, where I am, and my thoughts.

  1. If you want to blog about beauty even occasionally you are going to spend a lot of money. Beauty blogging is popular and informative. I really enjoy reading about new products and trying new things. When I see several people rave about the same product I am usually hooked and it goes on my wish list. My highest ratings on are beauty posts.  It is however going to cost you money because unless you are willing to put in the time and effort to take your blog to the next level companies are not going to be sending you free product. If you start beauty blogging to receive free product, it is probably not going to happen over night and it takes a lot of work. In the last year or so I have been contacted by a few companies wanting free post and advertising and thanks to fellow bloggers I turn them down because I don’t work for free. If beauty is your passion and you are buying product anyway go for it, but it is easy to get caught up in the deals and bonuses and always, always new products to try. Beauty blogging must be a dream come true for companies. I am sure it increases their sales significantly.
  2. If you want to increase your traffic photos are everything. People are visual and you hook them with good photos.  I purchased a new camera and have yet to really learn how to use it. I don’t have the skills or time to create the amazing photos I see on some blogs. I still hope to get there, someday.
  3. Blogs and writers come and go, some never to return. Many people blog as a creative outlet ( like me! ). They have big, busy lives outside of the computer and sometimes that life takes over and blogging gets put on the back burner. I wish I could write more because I started this blog to write about all the great things in my life, its purpose was to celebrate all things I love and enjoy and I want to document those things. I really enjoy writing about my adventures with my family and personal growth but of course real life takes over sometimes and what is wrong with that?!
  4. New blogs are popping up all the time and sometimes you lose contact with those you have started to communicate with as their real life took over and now the blogging world you once knew is completely different and feels like a room full of strangers. That can make you feel like you have to start forming relationships all over to keep your readership alive. Which brings me to the next 2 points.
  5. If you want a “number” successful blog, it takes time, dedication, consistency and hard work. It doesn’t happen overnight and life can’t take over. I think it is possible as many succeed.  I personally don’t have the drive to take my blog to the next level, at this time, I am not driven, it is not a personal goal. I am in awe of those bloggers that have created a business and career of blogging.
  6. Remember why you started blogging in the first place, go back to your roots. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone wanted to listen and read your posts all the time? Who doesn’t want to be heard? Who doesn’t want what they have to say be heard by others? We want to be listened to. We want to be liked. Humans want validation.We want our words and self to be valued. Personally, I have to remember this blog for me is creative expression and documentation of all things good.

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I Don’t Make New Year Resolutions Volume 2

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I don’t make specific New Year resolutions because I know you can’t keep them just as I know diets don’t work. With every loss cell of collagen as you get older you actually do get wiser. Cost, benefit relationship.

As the kids get older the parenting gets less  intense, less hands on. They get more expensive, I wasn’t quite expecting that. They don’t need me like they use to. That brings about some sadness but at the same time I enjoy their independence. They need to be independent, honestly, before you know it they will be flying the coop. They need to know how to survive. I need to call off the helicopter and active the GSP. I will be broken hearted. Which is why I also must prepare and begin working on my life after kids. Saying that, I so wish I could freeze time. We are all at the perfect age. They need me but not too much, they are great to travel with, they can be left alone for periods of time, they are still young ducklings, not too grown up yet but able to make themselves a sandwich and not starve.

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So, why and I talking about my boys in this “I don’t make new year’s resolution post? ”

Because I want to freeze time. I have had an amazing year. I feel that despite the challenges I have, I have pushed through, maybe this year the pushes were less or the door wasn’t always as heavy. I just know that I am happy most of the time and I  am not afraid all of the time.

Aside from jetting off to live in some tropical destination to pursue my dreams of acting and singing. Splitting my time between living off the grid and in the penthouse in Las Vegas. Being happy most of the time and not afraid all the time is good enough. I will take it! Good enough is great. I did the hard work and the past year feels like a reward.

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Since I am not Elsa, from Frozen and I can not freeze time, only my fingers on the steering wheel. I know this year is coming to an end on the calendar. My boys will keep growing which makes me sad but I am excited about the adventures we will all have as a family.

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So once again for 2016 I declare…….

I declare I will be free from anxiety and fear.

I declare I will be an active mother to my children.

I declare I will raise Godly sons filled with love, kindness, gifts and talents.

I declare I will have a loving, vulnerable, fun marriage with my husband.

I declare I will have a happy, comfortable home that brings joy and peace to my family and friends.

I declare I will make a difference in the lives of children, leading them to their gifts and talents. Showing them that they can move above and beyond their circumstances.

I declare I will travel to new places and experience the world and activities that God has created for us to enjoy here on earth.

I declare longevity for my life.

I declare perfect divine health, free from all sickness, illness, infirmities, cancers for me and my family.

I declare I will have a true kindred spirit best friend.

I declare I will use my voice in song to bring others in the presence of God.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

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Fall Around Our Home

Fall is in its peek here in Eastern Canada.

I decorate the fireplace mantel with the seasons. Pumpkins from the farmers market, owls and flowers from dollar store and sign from Marshals.IMG_0080 copyPumpkins from the grocery store, wood collected off the beach and lights from Winners.IMG_0081 copyIMG_0082 copyMaple trees in the back yard.
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Burning scented candles always takes me to a warm place. Received as a gift from a friend.

IMG_0093 copyDried Hydrangeas from the front garden. Flowers from the garden, wood collected off the beach and glass holder from Winners.

IMG_0092 copyCabin Fever in the bedroom. Pillows from target ( when they were in Canada), bedding from LL Bean. IMG_6477

Ramblings

birthday-cake-happyHey! its May and my birthday month! Happy Birthday to me. Being as my birthday is in May I have to share it with Mother’s Day. Sometimes this works to my advantage and sometime not. Nevertheless, being alive to celebrate a Birthday and being a Mom are a fabulous combination so no complaining here.

Basement Reno Update

The contractors are almost finished and moving out all their tools. We have more painting to do and my new coach arrives May 13. I really want to post some picture but I am trying to wait until it is somewhat put together. If I was to wait until it was completely decorated there would be no photos until next year.

Speaking of decorating….

Online Interior Design Course

Since I have had an interest in home decorating since a teen I have signed up for an online course. I only have 45 days to complete it. This could be a crazy time line.

New job assignment

If you have been reading and following you know that I have been anticipating a job change and waiting to see if I would get another placement. I have said that I am in education but here is what I have been doing for the last 10 years. I have been working with special needs students at the elementary school level. My new job assignment will be……..drum roll…. in the classroom teaching most likely grade 3.  This should be official in about 10 days when I get the “official” notice of assignment. I am super excited and equally as nervous and scared. I am going to have a whole class of darlings.

Camping Season Begins

Along with Birthday and Mother’s Day camping season officially begins.  We are taking to the open road with trailer in tow mid month. We are really hoping the snow will be all gone by then. I am as shocked writing that last line as you are reading it. We have such a fun time camping. I love the great outdoors.

Spring Weekend

I am happy, like crazy happy that the snow is all gone from the yard and I was able to finally get out and start raking up the gardens and grass. Along with that I got another walk in and thank goodness for that because I had a summer feed of clams and fish bits ( no chips, I didn’t eat any of them, way too much food.)

Well, that’s all the ramblings I have for today. I am working on my “Had to replace it immediately empty” I guess you could say it  is a favourite beauty product.

What are some of your most favourite summer activities?