16! and ready to drive..Yikes!

For some reason I thought when my kids turned 16 they would just instantly know how to drive a car. I mean I taught them to feed, clothe and wipe their asses I figured I get a break on teaching them how to drive. But no, they don’t know how to drive automatically and you have to teach them.

I don’t remember learning how to drive, I got in the car and drove. I am sure someone taught me something but driving becomes so automatic you just get in the vehicle and drive. For the record, I did take driving lessons, that I had to pay for because my parents wouldn’t and if I didn’t take the lessons my mother wasn’t going to let me drive. AND I WAS GOING TO DRIVE. Driving was the first taste of FREEDOM, FREEDOM.

But I digress. Sitting in the vehicle with your 16 year old and knowing he has the potential to kill you…death by car accident going less than 40km is darn right FRIGING scary.  All these years you though you would be the one to kill them in their teens year, with ya know, the many challenges of raising a teen and then I (we) give them a car to DRIVE! with US in it and WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO DO THIS MORE THEN ONCE.

One of our first lessons is me teaching him reaction time. In order for me to feel an ounce of safety I need to know he can SLAM on that break quickly and not hit the gas accidentally. So picture this, Nick driving the Mom van…. and I call out break every so often… “break! …go…..break…..go…break…. go”.  Not bad… let’s take it on the road, well to the end of the cul da sac. He is driving…… GAS!! GAS!!! I shout. WTF MOM??? I mean BREAK! BREAK!. Enough for today.

I don’t know why you think that by gripping the arm rest of the passenger seat that it is going to save you in any way from his ridiculously fast right and left turns but somehow you are willing the car with all your brain power to make the turn, GOD PLEASE MAKE THIS TURN!! With OUT KILLING US OR THE CHILD ON THE BIKE! More importantly the child on the bike.

One day I decided I would give him the blizzard test.  What is this you ask?  No, I wasn’t assumulating a snow storm.   Before switching him to the drivers seat I purchased a blizzard from DQ. I was preparing for a nice relaxing enjoyable ride while enjoying my peanut something or other blizzard. I figured if he passed this test he was ready to graduate from the subdivisions and on to the roads with actual traffic and more then one car every 5-10 minutes.  I don’t even remember eating the darn thing. It was more like shovelling….. of peanuts and ice-cream into in my mouth to prevent me from screaming and crunching those poor little bastard peanuts to fine dust. I just had a thought! A stress ball!!!

He is getting better, especially when I am not in the car. Wonder why this is? Anyways, time to leave this job for the professionals. I could scar him for life and then he would never be able to leave home drive a car.

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It is that time of year again!

It is that time of year again when I am planning a beach camping vacation and I need to purchase a swim suit. Last year it was a well thought out plan but one I wasn’t looking forward to. I am completely the person that will compare my body with those immediately around me and if they are slimmer then me I automatically cut myself down to the size of a grain of sand. My self worth becomes non-existence because I dump on myself for not being thin as well. (so keeping my fingers crossed for the exploration with body positivity)

I wasn’t planning to buying a swim suit yesterday but I made my way over to the rack anyways and said “why the hell not, maybe I will get lucky”.

Get Lucky

 

And I DID! Maybe it was because my goal going into the dressing room was I will be happy if they just fit, they don’t have to look good, they just have to fit. With goal one in check, I started to check out all the other angles and of course looked to play up the assets and down play the mid-section. Check points on both and I went home with 2 new bathing suits that are very comfortable. I even purchased a panty style bottom which I rarely purchase or wear, I am a skirt bottom kind of girl.

I have to confess the bathing suit I purchased last year looks good but it is like getting into a SPANX. After I wrestle with the top and figure out which way is the front and get the straps situated, I want to fall exhausted on the bed.  I didn’t wear this suit once when I was in the Bahamas this Spring. There is no last minute, “let’s go for a swim” and just toss on your swim suit. It takes time and patience and you need air conditioning blasting on you because look out if you are hot and sweating this suit is not going on easy.

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Off to the beach I go……

 

Body Positivity Movement

I am joining the body positivity movement. I am optimistic that I can embrace the positivity. I am not getting any younger or thinner and starving myself is out of the question. I know very little about body positivity. I have been hating my body for pretty much all my life but mostly since I was about 25, so that is almost 20 years of hating my body and putting all myself worth into how flat my stomach is or is not, which it is not flat by any means. I have an arm load of reasons I am not getting skinny and why my muffin top is not shrinking. I loath my muffin top and now I am adding my upper arms to what I hate about my body. Okay, back fat too, I hate that as well, but see it less often since  it is behind me. See where this is going?

Here is my arm load of reasons (some may call excuses) why I am not getting skinny

  1. hyperthyroid
  2. menopause at 3o
  3. whacked out hormones
  4. IBS diet
  5. diets don’t work, I have done lots ( WW, clean eating, no carbs, reduced carbs, paleo, LA weight loss and the list continues, I have lost and gained the same 15 lbs I don’t know what many times)
  6. I have overcome too much shit in my life to never have ice-cream and birthday cake again
  7. I have many habits of “skinny” eaters and I still have a muffin top

 

I am sure there are a few more, if I want to spend the brain power thinking about them and no …..one of the reasons is not because I am lazy, unhealthy, unmotivated and overweight and making excuses.

Enter….. body positivity which to my understanding will help me blast these some of these myths and misconceptions  and once and for all I will love my body and appreciate all the does for me. Let the journey begin.

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Younger Self

My oldest son turns 16 years old tomorrow. Milestones, like this one get you thinking about how much time has gone by and of course how quickly times goes by. When Nick was born I fell head over heels in love. Literally! Who knew what joy a little version of yourself, offspring could be. I don’t think my mother loved me like that but who knows. I am glad I loved like that.

Looking through some photos of him as a baby I came across this one.

(no make up, no filters, smiling 🙂 , in love)

Nick Baby

I was a bit sad to see a spark in my eye that I didn’t see in a recent selfie I had taken of myself.

15 years plus a few months later……

(Recent Selfie-no make up Monday, no filters, no smile )

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At first, I felt sad about that missing spark I perceived. Ultimately, I know I am really just being hard on myself. Then, I wondered, what would I tell this younger version of myself today and so I wrote..

You knew the moment you found out you were pregnant what a special love you had and the joy that followed was more than you imagined. While you already knew life wasn’t all rainbows and pink cotton candy. You knew the birth of a child, your child was a new beginning, a new start. An opportunity, to love and experience love, a complete unconditional love. In the moments, right after birth, you knew it wasn’t just about you anymore. Your child first and your were second and that was perfectly okay. Most things you worried about before the birth, were not nearly as important. What a relief that was. A fresh breeze. A state of happiness. Your child’s happiness, well being and upbringing was in the forefront. Your mission was to raise a child that knew he was loved and cared for, no matter what. Something, you didn’t feel you had. Your mission was to raise a child that would have no fear showing affection, crawling into bed with you, never would he be afraid or doubt your love. Your child would have know a loving, kind mother. A mother who’s  eyes brightened when you walked in the room and wouldn’t hesitate to scoop you up in open welcoming arms.

You never knew that a couple years later you would be in the fight of your life. That the shock of such news would shake you to your very core. You didn’t know that your children would be the ones that gave you purpose to rise every morning. You had a mission! Your children needed you.

Shaken to the core you were. You had no idea the long term effects socially, emotionally and physically. But you fought, fought, fought and continue to fight! Fall down seven times, get up eight.

While some of your carefree innocence and spark faded with your fight, your love for your children only grew, your life adventures multiplied, you pushed through fear after fear and you learned to be truly grateful, less self-fish and have compassion and kindness for others. The mission you set for motherhood never faulted, didn’t fail. The gratitude you have for each day with your children  makes your heart overflow. Your relationship with God and faith is solid.

Your spark maybe more cautious and more mature with riding the waves of life but I’m proud of you. Maturity, isn’t all the bad. Don’t ever let anyone take away from you your struggles, your victories, for they know not the shoes you wore. Be grateful for those who shared the road. Continue to be grateful and celebrate all occasions in style.  Continue with your Mom mission you are doing a great job!

 

What I have learned about blogging.

Having been blogging for over a year now you learn a few things a long the way. Here is what I have learned, where I am, and my thoughts.

  1. If you want to blog about beauty even occasionally you are going to spend a lot of money. Beauty blogging is popular and informative. I really enjoy reading about new products and trying new things. When I see several people rave about the same product I am usually hooked and it goes on my wish list. My highest ratings on are beauty posts.  It is however going to cost you money because unless you are willing to put in the time and effort to take your blog to the next level companies are not going to be sending you free product. If you start beauty blogging to receive free product, it is probably not going to happen over night and it takes a lot of work. In the last year or so I have been contacted by a few companies wanting free post and advertising and thanks to fellow bloggers I turn them down because I don’t work for free. If beauty is your passion and you are buying product anyway go for it, but it is easy to get caught up in the deals and bonuses and always, always new products to try. Beauty blogging must be a dream come true for companies. I am sure it increases their sales significantly.
  2. If you want to increase your traffic photos are everything. People are visual and you hook them with good photos.  I purchased a new camera and have yet to really learn how to use it. I don’t have the skills or time to create the amazing photos I see on some blogs. I still hope to get there, someday.
  3. Blogs and writers come and go, some never to return. Many people blog as a creative outlet ( like me! ). They have big, busy lives outside of the computer and sometimes that life takes over and blogging gets put on the back burner. I wish I could write more because I started this blog to write about all the great things in my life, its purpose was to celebrate all things I love and enjoy and I want to document those things. I really enjoy writing about my adventures with my family and personal growth but of course real life takes over sometimes and what is wrong with that?!
  4. New blogs are popping up all the time and sometimes you lose contact with those you have started to communicate with as their real life took over and now the blogging world you once knew is completely different and feels like a room full of strangers. That can make you feel like you have to start forming relationships all over to keep your readership alive. Which brings me to the next 2 points.
  5. If you want a “number” successful blog, it takes time, dedication, consistency and hard work. It doesn’t happen overnight and life can’t take over. I think it is possible as many succeed.  I personally don’t have the drive to take my blog to the next level, at this time, I am not driven, it is not a personal goal. I am in awe of those bloggers that have created a business and career of blogging.
  6. Remember why you started blogging in the first place, go back to your roots. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone wanted to listen and read your posts all the time? Who doesn’t want to be heard? Who doesn’t want what they have to say be heard by others? We want to be listened to. We want to be liked. Humans want validation.We want our words and self to be valued. Personally, I have to remember this blog for me is creative expression and documentation of all things good.

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February Ramblings

January 2016 was a month of being in a total funk. Once I took down the Christmas decorations I took on the winter blues. I went to work, came home and went to bed and worked some more. Thankfully, that month is over and the sun it sitting a little higher in the sky and my spirits are starting to pick up. January is definitely the most depressing month of the year.

February has already been so much better! We purchased a new travel trailer for camping season. I am definitely in the full glamping category now. It is a mini cottage on wheels. We also have more social events planned with our friends. AND! Spring is not too far now. ( I am not thinking about the fact that I am off work today because we are going to get walloped by a blizzard, nope DENIAL)

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OH! and we are going to BAHAMAS in March. ( I hear the winds starting to blow outside.) How can you not  be excited by that?

I also won a $150.00 gift card from a RICKI’S RATE and REVIEW contest. Looking forward to new Spring clothing line and a little shopping spree!

So that is the exciting stuff, the not so exciting stuff….

I had to cancel my  monthly IPSY bag to make way for the payments on the new trailer. I really loved getting that bag of goodies every month. I may look at TOPBOX in the future as it is in Canadian dollars and a cheaper monthly cost and no US exchange to worry about.

My oldest son (almost 16) and his girlfriend broke up. I honestly, think it was for the best.   He needs to be enjoying his high school days and he was a hermit at home. No one likes to see their child hurting but it is part of the experience of eventually finding the perfect one.

Health wise physically and mentally, I am doing good. I had some routine blood work done and have my yearly mammogram coming up and my colonoscopy. Any medical appointment or test is anxiety provoking but I just keep pressing forward and believing in GOD that everything comes back clean,clear and demonstrating perfect health.

Today is hubs birthday and I made a crazy ass cake for the celebration. He likes these complicated multi layer cakes. Here is the pic.

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Here is me embracing my laugh lines. It is not easy when you start to see signs of aging on your face but at the same time I am grateful to be aging as many don’t ever get the chance. Embracing aging is challenging for me as some of my identity is in young and pretty. Can you be older and pretty?

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